When I heard the news that TeachBeyond had accepted me to teach in Spain, I was ecstatic. Like, jumping up and down and doing the boogie in my living room ecstatic. I had been waiting for this moment for nearly 6 years! Then they started to talk about visas, fund-raising, etc., and I had this moment of panic. A little voice in my head started screaming, "That's too soon! You need one more year!" I asked them if I could have time to pray about when to leave. After speaking with the headmaster at the school in Spain, he agreed that one more year to wait for someone who wants to come long term was wise. "Finally," I thought, "the voice of reason!"
Yet this is still something I wonder about and is one of the top questions I get from people as I share my story. Why one more year? Is my faith really that small to think that things could not come into place in so short a time? I don't think this is my problem. I know if God wanted me to go right now, I would be gone about a week ago. My family has had some serious health issues pop up lately, so perhaps I am waiting for those to resolve? No, again, as hard as it is to leave them, I know I have my family's blessing, and they are all well taken care of. Maybe I want to wait until my niece is older? I must say that I have loved getting to watch her grow this year, but I know I must resign myself to missing so much of her growth. So why wait?
I do not have all the reasons, but I do know this: I have incredible peace about waiting. Many of you will understand this, others may not. While I struggle with wanting more solid reasons for staying, I get this sense that there is a purpose for waiting one more year. There is this odd sense that my job here is not finished, and I need to complete it before I go to Europe. After all, I am going for an indefinite amount of time, so there is no real need to rush in right away. Right?
I will admit it is hard watching my new friends that I met at orientation leave for their new countries. I read Spanish literature, watch Spanish shows and my heart aches to be in Spain! Yet in my heart of hearts I know that I will miss Sacramento just as much. I will miss my beautiful (albeit crispy) California. In a sense, I am spending a year saying good-bye to one home before returning to another home. When I lived in Spain I felt like my heart had expanded to be able to love two places on this earth fully. When I talk with other people who live overseas, they say that they have felt this, too. I am alright with waiting for my next adventure because I have an idea what is waiting for me. I am no longer wild-eyed with the thoughts of adventure as I was 7 years ago when I left the first time, but am filled with a quiet joy for this next step. Because of this, it feels right to walk slowly but steadily, soaking in each step of the journey instead of itching to get to the destination.
So I do not have all the answers as for why, but I am ok just sitting in the peace that it is the right thing for me to do. I have also felt incredibly honored by the people who have agreed to talk with me about Spain and who have even made commitments to help me along the way so far in advance. I am learning to walk one day at a time, enjoying what comes at each step.
