Dear Grandpa...

I am feeling so far away from everyone right now, feeling a bit restless. I know that there is nothing that I can do, but I can't just do nothing. From a logical perspective, writing you this letter is ridiculous. You aren't going to read it. But sometimes what is true defies all earthly logic.

I wonder what your reaction was when you reached heaven. I know Jesus was ready to accept you, and it's impossible to not be in awe in His presence. There is no better place for you to be, Grandpa. My whole childhood I ached for you to know love such as this, and now you can bask in it! More than I can!

I know that God is healing your heart as I write this, but again I feel I must DO something. I walked several miles to this quiet spot, thinking of what I might say to you now. As I brushed aside branches from my path I thought of the hike you took me on when I was a little girl and how you sometimes took several minutes to beat out seemingly impenetrable meshes of sticks. We didn't talk much, but I have found that when I'm in nature there is little that needs to be said. I don't know how far we went or if I complained about the distance (walking long lengths hasn't bothered me in a long time), but this is one memory of you that I cherish.

While I am so glad that you are at peace, I can't help but feel weird that you are gone. I struggled with my grief, Grandpa. I felt selfish for feeling sad that you are gone, when your time here was no longer fruitful, and as I said before there is no better place to be than in the presence of God. But a wise friend reminded me that death was not a part of God's original plan. Jesus wept when His friend passed. I don't cry out in bitterness or anger. It's because I am now separated from someone I love. Someone who meant so much to me in my life. How could I not hurt at such separation?

But here's the great part, Grandpa. You left behind treasures: us. You helped bring my mom into this world, who in turn brought my brother and me here. We are going to miss you so much, but we will move on in this life, accomplishing what God has called us to until we can see you again. We can rejoice in the life you brought forth while we wourn your passing.

I love you, Grandpa. I wouldn´t wish you back, for that truly would be selfish. Instead I will rest my soul in the same Arms that hold you now and cling to the peace that such an action brings.

Your loving granddaughter, Kristiina.

"Jesus wept." - John 11:35