So, as some of you may know I love driving long distances. People talk about I-5 and how it is such a boring drive. I love it! I love that I can see hills on both sides of me and miles and miles of farm land. I honestly have a pressing desire to run wildly across one end to the other just to feel the sheer vastness of the land. I want to reach those rolling hills and feel that sense of accomplishment of having a goal and meeting it! But alas, there are fences and farmers aren't to keen on random strangers running through their crops, so I have not been able to do this.
I have some of the similar sensations here in Spain. Everytime I come rolling into town on the train from Atocha and see the hills outside of Alcalá I dearly want to jump off the train and hike through the funky trees and see the view from the top. Last Monday I met up with a friend and we decided to go explore the mountains. Finally! There is a river that runs in front of the mountains and the bridge was quite far from where we started, so we decided to take off out shoes and march across the "dam" in the river. It felt so good to feel the cold water running through my toes! And I love how rivers here smell just like rivers back home! I could almost hear the creaking door of my Aunt Alda's river side cabin in Oregon or hear the traffic running across the bridge on Howe Ave. It's nice to know some things don't change.
We didn't really have a goal in mind as we walked, only to investigate what was behind the hills. At first we saw some lovely views of many more mountains behind the intial ones. I saw one hill that had one l tree on top of it and I thought to myself, "I want to go to that tree." Now normally when I say such things either the people around me would rather stay on the trail or there are laws prohibiting you from leaving the trails (not to mention rattlensakes!) But this time there are no such laws and my friend thought that was a feasible plan. Finally I could actually go where nature was calling me!
We followed a trail for awhile and entered into a gorge. It didn't seem like it would end and I couldn't see my goal. Finally we turned aroudn one hill that seemed feasible for climbing and we hacked our way through brush and sticks to the top to discover where we were. The hill was a lot higher than we imagined but the view from the top was amazing! Not only could we Alcalá but we could also see all the way to Madrid and the Sierras behind Madrid!
Of course there were several more hills until the one with the tree. It seems that there are always more hills to get to your goal. You top one thinking, "This is it and then we can get there no problem,¨ and find that there are two more to go. What do you do? Do you stop and decided that you are getting hungry and should turn back? Or do you go on? Is it foolishness to continue or is the goal acheivable.
Quite frankly I don't give up easily. Once my mind is set on something I go to that goal, screw the gorges and sticks, I will get there! Sometimes my goals are not always good ones and I should heed the signs telling me to stay on the trail or remain on my side of the fence. How do I know which ones are right?
This is the question of the month for me. There are so many things in this life, good things, that I want. But how do I get there? Is it where God wants me to go? Is my spontaneous desire to reach that tree of Him or only my own emotions carrying me away in the moment? How can I tell? God sure didn't write in the Bible clearly, "Kristiina should continue living and working Spain." Then how can I know what is right?
As of right now I can see two ways: trying and asking. I can try to walk in various ways and see if the peace follows. I am stubborn but when God wants to shut a door no man can open it. This frustrates me, however. Or I can ask. What God has told me in the Bible is that He already knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not harm me (recently I have found that I don't believe this completely). So I can ask Him, "What's next?" Sometimes He gives me glimpses far into the future, but usually He shows me what is next now. What I should do today or this week. I want to look so far ahead to know what is happening that I forget about what He is doing today. I also get the sense that He loves it when I ask Him! There is joy in planning things with God, because you know beforehand that this is for sure what He wants!
I have a long way to go before meeting my Love face to face. I have a long way until I become who He has created me to be. I am going to fall. I am going to get scratches on my ankles. I will be tired and hungry and may even have chapped lips from the wind. But the view from the top of that hill? Worth every minute!
The four towers you see in the distance is Madrid!
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